Bone V.S Muscle

Rondebosch, Main Road, 2009.

The fools decide to order a round of good guy burger's from the Steers downstairs from the grimy spot they had been drinking. They continue talking smack between taking mouth fulls of their burgers. A block of man walks by and makes some grand crass gestures which he directs to the women sitting at the table with the group of naughty stick men. Some of the nutritionally challenged object to the mans obscenities, by hollering and throwing wanna be signals of courting a physical challenge. One of these guys chews through his good guy burger and utters softly for only the table to hear "Izo toswa le chap." (This guy is gana get fucked up) between bites. The leader of the madness chases the beast out into the street( after judging that the man being across the road was at a safe enough distance ). He unstraps his belt and holds it out above his head having folded the strap to ensure it made slapping noises. Behind him a mindless sheep stands pointing and shouting at the man. Good guy watches all of this repeating over and over "Izo toswa le chap." The man, Beast turns to look at the commotion across the road and with total disregard for their numbers, approaches the twig men. Good guy decides to run out and get between the muscle and the bones, having amped himself up with his burger (much like Popeye does with his spinach) puts his hand on the Beasts chest and politely asks "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!" The beast being a man of few words but rather of simple action strikes a fist to the face of good guy who then meets the flaw. Another Idiot a part of the posse realises that he cannot stay out of this now that his kin has been struck and lands a few solid blows to the beasts face, making him speak for the first time between punches. "What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing?" Asks the beast very calmly after each mosquito bite to the face and proceeds to knock Another Idiot to the floor, where he goes to work. Somehow Beast must have made some sort of unheard resonance for backup, because all of a sudden the Somalian looking crew were mobbed by a bunch of men of the Beast's stature and larger. From there an all out war ensues. Bushbaby, a member of the Somalians tries to headbutt one of the Beasts, but is caught by his head in mid motion and thrown into the Mr Price window on the street. Fortunately his weight was not enough to fall through the glass. Benicio who had been around the corner taking a leak sees his friends in all out warfare and runs to join the fight but one punch from the Beasts directs his momentum groundwards. At the moment of impact a car passes by and for just that instant everyone thinks he was hit by a car. One of the more Fiery ladies with the crew braves the war to drag him out of the road. Once she secures his safety she too decides to jump in. If there is one lesson the starving children of Africa learnt that day is that the Beasts had no morals. She tries to jump on the original Beast's back and is easily thrown off and hit by the man. In the middle of fighting multiple men, Good Guy screams out "THEIR HITTING WOMEN!!" (This I think was meant to be another power up moment, like they do in the movies) Unfortunately for them real life doesn't quite work out the way it should. There's no physical power in moral standing, especially when being overpowered by Six or Seven powerful roughians who live to fuck up, drunk kids from the burbs chancing with their sorry excuses for muscles. The leader of the madness realises the reality of the situation and takes to try and stop the fight. His efforts are in vein. Twice he tries to walk into the centre of the action professing "Sto..."  and twice he is slapped making his knees buckle. The scene has gathered quite the crowd, including the Steers staff who are bent over in stitches of laughter. The beating would have continued had it not been for the blue lights. For the first time in their lives The Somalians disregard every Hip-Hop lyric they've sang about the police and breathe a sigh of relief. The Ogres make a quick getaway and the Somalians feel all the injuries they suffered.  They thank their lucky stars that there were no casualties, which they thought there could have been had it not been for the Bacon that rescued them. Benicio lives! But caught the raw end of the deal in terms of visible injuries. They realise that night that they had gotten fucked up and that as a crew the could not fight. Some manage to laugh it off that night, other's puke and go for check ups. A sad crew for sometime all wondering the same question No one had seen the mindless sheep that was shouting behind the leader of the madness throughout the fight. Was he finishing up his burger and watching as everything unfurled and decided to join the group when he saw the blue lights approaching? The fight was witnessed by the Store Owners at the DVD rental spot across the road from Steers who felt so bad that they cleared all outstanding debts on late returns. They probably thought that the crew had received their fair share of karma.

Moral of the story? Don't fight. It's just an embarrassing story to share.

http://andilesbored.com/ act like you know.