For years I've bicthed and moaned about my participation in this system and done nothing about. For years I've thought about it in moments of solitude; in my high school years I'd be smoking joints listening to conscious rap music,reading some politically informed book or other allowing my own conspiracy theories to unravel thinking each one was more profound than the last. In later years I'd admit my defeatist attitude to all of it and simply put it down to being a cynic, calling my self an anarchist at heart and accepting that socialism was a doomed system only meant for idealists. A middle aged American man once guided me out of a conversation my reciting Churchill's
“If you're not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you're not a conservative at forty you have no brain.”
Now this whole growing up thing is fucked from the beginning, cause well the problem that I have a problem with is the human life cycle itself. The innate properties life itself posesses and that is: The primal instinct of self preservation and survival. Now maybe I'm disappointed at the world and universe itself. Maybe I'm a hippy trapped in a lib fucking an altruists heart while sucking on the cock of Buddha on his back in Nirvana. But This whole thing doesn't sit well with me.
I mean there has to be more to it... We claim to be the most progressive beings in the ever expanding universe that even Einstein wasn't sure of right? Yet everyday we have no problem with allowing people all over the world to suffer for our benefit. I've tried and continue to apply Zizek's ideology of cynicism as a coping mechanism, trying to make myself feel better for all the injustices of the world I contribute to just in my participation of everyday things, from my Nike kicks, my daily intake of meat and even use of technology built in Asia's trade free zones.
I'm obviously writing this to feed my own middle class hang ups and narcissism about being a conscious member of the fucking global elite. But everyday I read a paper about a woman getting raped, today she was pregnant, last week she was over 70 and a few months ago she was 10 months old. Justice will never truly prevail because of a broken justice system that would rather tend to the symptom of the perpetrators rather than the disease. Nothing will be done cause there's no actual capacity nor willing and able minds ready to fully invest themselves into establishing the roots of these heinous acts. Everyday I read a paper about how someone got murdered in some grizzly fashion for some material possession or other or maybe even out of some deep seated emotional/psychological dysfunction that will never be properly resolved as there'll be no real attempt made into the understanding of these"monsters".I read about the redirection of money that could be better used to the upliftment of human selves going into the pocket of otherish selves. I read and I read and I think and I think and nothing comes of it. Cause the last thing I wanna do is be another missionary contributing to these decaying mass graves of bankrupted humanity.
It's easy for me to sit and write from this screen probably manufactured by hands being payed less than a dollar a day and with contracts that have "no suicide" clauses. It's easy for me to sometimes sit in my own room after a heavy weekend and some intense LC to reflect on the world and allow myself sometime to sob into my person's arms and profess my hatred of money. It's easy because I've already othered the dying and starving children of Africa with their fucking kwashiorkor making our continent look bad by continuing to suffer from colonial imprint that my friends and I are fighting with food in our bellies, English words in our brains and electricity for our computers. It's easy for me to other these fucking child soldier motherfuckers who end up being warlords anyway! The ones who end up raping and killing their own mothers and sisters out of cowardly fear of mutilation or death! The cowards go on to sniff cocaine and gun powder and drink their shame away instead of doing the right thing and shooting off the guns they're given into their twisted little brains!
Fuck it, what's this weird rant even about? Where are the facts? The references? Why the fuck am I whining about things I can't even prove I am participating in? Even if I am, I'm doing so from a distance, a stakeholder from a far! Everyone gets their fair share of Karma, why waste time crying about it? Compassion and guilt are reserved for the whites who have fucked the world up with their invented systems of control right?
Yeah I blame the whites for a lot of it. But I believe that people are inherently rotten. It stems from man's drive and need for survival. I acknowledge that's a stupid and childish thing to do. To blame the driving force behind existence, but I don't see people as active contributors to the planet. I see us as parasites just here to party, only the booze and drugs are running out and instead of just a few fights going on at different sections of the party it's going to be everyone versus everyone. No teams. No loyalties. Pretty much what it's always been except without any niceties.
Another useless blog post. Another useless whine. Complainers without points are useless.
