I probably started out with my arms as thin as yours. Getting no love from the ladies and wishing to be like Daniel Craig. Till it came to me one day, that nobody will just hand it to you; you have to exercise for it yourself! And I did. I went weeks without sleep, curling the dumbbells in my room when the gymnasium closed at 23:00. I did pull ups, military presses, bench presses and push ups just to relax. My diet was made up of carbs and protein. My arms called me an asshole and all I told them was “I’m doing this for you” and so I continued. And I continued. And I continued. And I continued. And I continued. And I continued. And I continued. And I continued. And I continued. And I continued. And I continued. I continued till I could continue some more. And so I continued more. My arms got to the point where they superseded my legs. The only use I had for my legs was to kick the air. And man did I kick that damn air! I got to the point that I started kicking it like it wasn’t there. I started kicking the air so hard sometimes I heard it whistle. (So be careful of my legs too, cause, give me the chance and my leg will be so far up your ass that my knee will brake your anus bone! SHIT NO MORE!) But this story is not about my legs. My arms are the essence of this tale.
After having worked so long on these guns I finally found the license to aim, shoot and kill. I had ladies for days wherever I went. I travelled the world and found ladies on my arms all day everyday. They would cling on and not let go for long distances. And when I say long distances, I mean very long distances. I mean they still on till this day (I guess the journey hasn’t ended yet). Everywhere I went people would watch me roll by in amazement. Firstly; I’m the first man to ever walk on his arms. Secondly I’m the only man to literally walk with women on his arms. They come from all over. Indonesia, Ukraine( I find western Europeans boring) Fiji, el Salvador, Hungary, Greenland, The North Pole, Antarctica, Chad, Kenya, Egypt, Liberia the list goes on. I’ve been dubbed U.N. through my way of living as I have had no problems getting girls. I had them working in unison carrying my arms and choreographing the route they took, to carry me to my destination. I believed myself to be the God of all women. I felt fully armed for whatever women believed they could throw at me, my name was Jonty and I was sweeping all reverses. The stumps had never come close to being hit... until the day I arrived in the town of Ga-rankuwa. Jesus Christ I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.
On my day of arrival I thought that they could keep the dust whole of a small town. Till I saw that the woman of the place paid me no mind. Not in the slightest. I would coordinate the ladies to take me to where I needed to be; NOTHING. Even when I would walk up to them they would just look back and reply in Tswana: That I thought I was all that because of my arms and all the girls that I had on my arms. They would say “Ha! He’s actually a freak of nature, having arms that he walks on.” “His got the body of a midget and the arms of Vin Diesel choma!” “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!”
If there was anything that made me feel like a fool for having such beautiful arms was the reaction I got from those girls in damn Ga-rankuwa! For weeks that line would run through my head and make me feel so very sad! I would walk down the road and hear “...body of a midget...” Many times I would be asleep and hear “...arms of Vin Diesel...” This would keep me awake all night just rolling around in my bed. I couldn’t sleep. I no longer wanted to walk. The ladies on my arms would try and carry me around but I would just shake them off and they would climb back on. For weeks I was depressed. I was sad for a very long time. I was sad till that day that was destined to be. I was in a store one day buying the ladies the usual things that they needed to stay on my arms. Protein shakes and bars. A man walked in and saw my sour face and spoke to me. In Tswana he said “Hau! I don’t understand how you can be looking so angry with life when you have more than what the rainbow nation can offer right on your arms! You obviously do not appreciate the good things that life has given you!” These words were greeted with a round of applause and cheers from the ladies I had on my arms. I then went on to tell the man my story and why I had the right to feel the way that I did. I told him what the girls of Ga-rankuwa had ridiculed me to. When I finished the man simply smiled at me. I was rather confused and agitated by this notion and had readied myself to give the man a poesklap and a kick to wake him up to my sad reality. But before I could do anything the man spoke and I was given my confidence and strength back by a simple sentence. I smiled and thanked the man and did exactly what I had to do. Without the mans help I don’t know what I would be today.
On my arrival back to the place where I had tried to get the beautiful ladies of Ga-rankuwa where I had first failed, they looked at me and were again put into stitches of laughter over my appearance. This still hurt as badly as it did the first time, but today I had a new found confidence that would be killed by nothing and no one. One hand after the other I walked to the ladies. I stood in front of them and smiled. They were confused by my joy and continued to laugh at me in the hope to send me away with my tale between my legs again. Not today I remember thinking.
Then with one fluid motion, my arms rotated backwards, took two lollipops and R5 air time out my pockets, let my feet touch the ground for the first time in years and held the items out to them. Immediately their jaws dropped and their eyes widened. Exactly the reaction I expected. Today they too travel on my arms. And I still continue my quest. Next stop New York.
