He's off and I'm here.

When I caught the cab today that was to take me to work, I saw homey waiting half way up the hill, when I had clearly stated that I was on the corner. When he realized I was his guy, he proceeded to roll down and opened the door. The rotund face of weary Xhosa man, I hoped to not be in for too much conversation:

“Kuhle mhlekazi?”

“Akonto tata, siyazama, unjani wena?”

“Hayi ndi right. Undisaphi namhlanje?”

“11 on Addereley.”

“Let’s go then…”

He explained that he had to stay up the hill because Cabnet refused to pay for a new battery and that they said it was cause he used the heater (Are we not in winter? ) and because he left the car radio running.

“Can you see a radio here?” He asks, but before I can respond he carries on to talk about how he would need the car to be on, in order to use the heater otherwise it would simply play the role of air conditioner.

“Informal employment is sometimes, not the right thing ne? Because now, some people have more rights to exploit others. The Muslims and coloureds here in Cape Town, the Indians there in Durban and even the blacks are doing it to each other. It’s only the whites who are not allowed to exploit people there. The government is busy going around to the farms and looking for children, saying that it’s child labour, but don’t even do anything here in the city. Some of the buildings here have little children maybe about 10 or 11 years old busy sewing in a factory, but you don’t see cause the doors are closed and locked with those big chains. Here at the taxi rank there a children who should be at school but are busy learning to be gartjies and they don’t do anything. Why? There in Gauteng there was a factory that burnt down and seven people were burnt to death because of those locks on the doors and the government kept quiet? As long as they stay in power it’s fine.

 All they say is: “Here have these monkeys”

 so that they can still make money and tell us that they’re giving us jobs but all they are doing is exploiting us. Indians, the coloured and the Chinese are allowed to exploit us so long as it’s not the white man. And they know we’re still going to vote for them. That’s why it’s fine for me to work this hard because I need to make sure that my children get educated so that they can’t be exploited like this. Because it’s not so easy to exploit someone who is educated.”

“I’m going to have ask that we get into this lane so I can go to the bank.”

“Okay, I’m just going to have to put myself in here… Don’t worry that’s what we need to do, sometimes you must just take. Don’t worry about this monkey making a noise with his hooter, people were making the same noise when he was doing the same thing to get here, now he’s acting like an angel.”

He starts laughing

“Hey! I’ve heard songs, I heard this song that says an angel is crying. Have you ever seen a picture of an angel? Have you? It’s always a picture of this pretty white girl? White people are full of shit. Before they came here, we didn’t have these ideas of angels and gods, we were fine. There were just people. And then they came here with their shit stories of jesus. Hayi…”

“Xholo ukhuphazamisa tata, kodwa I need to get out here so I can get the money.”

“Oh, okay.”

I draw the money and pay with the little tip I can afford. His eyes seem flat and without character but still they manage to scrutinize me.

“Enkosi ke buthi, I’m sure we’re going to be seeing each other again anyway.”

“Ndiyabulela tata.”

“Shap ke mngan’am.”

He’s off. And I’m here. 

Just because I'm a punk ass soft kinda guy I'ma play you some cheese now

Laugh Again My Beloved Country

I look at the topic on everyone’s lips today in our country and am happy that people have finally decided to open their mouths instead of speak under their breaths or constantly make references to the nice men Nelson (Nelly) Mandela and Desmond Tutu and about how they saved a nation. The past few weeks have been remarkable in terms of free flowing discourse and debate. The complexities that make up our country have been interrogated by the people who make up this country. Finally, there has been a real voice of civil participation in the changing landscape of this adolescent democracy. I say adolescent cause at 18 we are still very much adolescents.

As adolescents we should still give ourselves the freedom to have a wide range of views. People are complex and do not all subscribe to a certain way of life, point of view, or even choices of food. We’re constantly shifting and reacting in accordance to each situation or surroundings. Contexts are what make us up. This applies even more so to an entire country! We seem too eager to forget that our past is what defines our future in the pursuit of the euphemized concept of a rainbow nation. We are not a rainbow. We are an eclectic mix of individuals and communities. We don’t, nor should we, share a brain. We can’t be asked not to say things simply because they might offend others. Whilst a person retains the right to be offended, that right doesn’t override the fact that the other has a right to an opinion and an equal right to voice that opinion. The right to voice an opinion comes with its own responsibilities and whatever opinion has been voiced should note these responsibilities and be held accountable to them. The Brett Murray and Jessica Leandre debacles are prime examples of these. But that is not my focus at the moment. The point that I want to make in this little write up is for the case of Mdu’s comics. I probably won’t be helping his case because my aim is to offend as many as possible.

Do I think my country and government are retarded? Indeed I do. I use the term retarded in the strictest definition of the term and do so very much aware of the political incorrectness of the term. (generalised disorder appearing before adulthood, characterised by significantly impaired cognitive functioning and deficits in two or more adaptive behaviors.)Why do I think they are retarded? Because neither the people nor the government seem to be able to take criticism, a juvenile trait if ever there was one. The complexities that make up this country and moreover the world, still need be ironed out and dealt with in depth. And for as long as people are unable to deal with sensitive issues in an engaging manner there will never be any form of genuine progression. What is this engaging manner you may ask? Hmm… I don’t know, how about humour?!

Mdu’s comics have been making top notch South African comedy with widespread appeal. This appeal would tip the demographic scale in  favour of the greater majority. Why would you not want that? It’s the same ‘don’t let the people think too much’ idea, so that they can manipulate them a lot easier by regurgitating rhetoric. When we breakdown the aesthetics of this cartoon what is really going on in it? One, it is not black Jesus! Let’s get that out of the way. It is Jesus of the ANC! And this is his fourth appearance. He first appeared last year to steal all useful goods out of Zulu boy’s house. Next he was bleaching himself like kwaito sensation Mshoza. He then came down to visit us and was shocked by petrol prices, DA posters and the OMO man. Now he’s back to talk about not really being the son of God but really just being a Shangaan. 

Tsonga people in this country have always been given a hard time tribally, along with Venda speaking people. It’s about time that someone unpacked the facts of how we look at people and the beliefs people carry with them about others for absolutely arbitrary reasons. In essence Mdu’s Comics are questioning the uninformed nature of discrimination we have as a country. The Christians who feel slighted by this should question themselves why? I leave you with a South Park video to present my view to you

Bantu Biko taught me to write what I like. I will use my freedom of speech and if all you do is get offended by my views and don’t interrogate them, engage with them or you’re doomed to be a blind follower like the nazi nation. Or perhaps a nation of privileged people who didn’t question a racially divided system. Hint: this is a reference to Apartheid! Nothing is beyond criticism including this open rant. And before you ask for it here’s my apology: